Friday, 14 October 2011

Doing Keep Fat (Or should that be fit?)

Since I've been training for nest years London Marathon, I was thinking that maybe I should describe myself as:
A lean mean running machine.
But if I'm honest, it's more like:
A slightly less podgy, mildly tetchy, slow jogging machine

Friday, 30 September 2011

World record, here I come!

When I was eleven, Evil Knievel came to London.  I remember the excitement it caused.  I remember being inspired as the tension built up in the days before he made his attempt to jump 13 Double Decker busses on his motor cycle.  I remember the shock when he clipped the last bus and came off his bike.
Recently, I’ve been thinking that I should do something challenging like that. 
After a great deal of thought, I decided that I’m going to attempt to….

… jump thirteen motorcycles in a Double Decker bus!

(If anyone has a spare bus I could borrow, please give me a call.)

Friday, 23 September 2011

Speed writing

It appears that the paricle physicists at the Cern Laboratory in Switzerland may have witnessed neutrino particles travelling faster than the speed of light.
I have decided to fill my pen with neutrinos to see of it will help me write faster.

Monday, 19 September 2011

Cat Vs Toast

Every one knows that Cats always land on their feet.
It is also a Universal truth that when you drop a slice of toast, that it will land butter side down.
This begs the question: What happens if you attach a slice of buttered toast on to the back of a cat and drop it?
I hired a small team of experts to investigate this vexing question, and I can now reveal the findings.  I think that you will all be quite amazed at the outcome:
We glued some toast onto the back of a cat, and dropped it, sideways on, from a height of six feet.  The cat dropped as expected, but when it reached a foot from the ground, it stopped and started rolling end over end as each of the competing forces fought for dominance.
Each revolution of the toast/cat was faster that the previous one, and after a few minutes, the team realised that they had discovered the highly sought after perpetual motion.
Having discovered this new energy source, we decided to see if we could run a car with it.
After five attempts to get the bonnet (or 'hood' if you are one of my pals from the USA) closed , and severe lacerations to my arms, it was decided that maybe cat power wasn't stable enough to be harnessed.

Friday, 16 September 2011

The single sock phenomena

Have you ever noticed that sometimes when you pull the washing out of the washing machine that there's a sock that doesn't have a matching one?
You search the inside of the drum.  You hope that you've missed it, and maybe it's become welded to the inside during the spin cycle, but eventually have to concede to the fact that it's not there.
Where has it gone?  We always hope that it'll turn up in the next wash, but it rarely does, and we stick it in a drawer with all of the other odd socks until the drawer gets full.  (Well, that's my way of dealing with it.  I'm hoping that you guys do something similar, other wise you're all going to just think I'm weird.)
I can now happily reveal, that after many months of research, where the missing socks go.
... (drum roll)...
They disappear into wormholes in space, and re-appear as wire coat hangers in your wardrobe.

The Silly Stuff

I have decided that I need a second blog.
Iain's Iainspiration is ideal for tracking my writing journey, but I feel that I need  a place to put all of the less serious stuff.  And this is the place.
I hope it makes you smile.